Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Green mimosas i think yes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
