I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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