I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
