Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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