I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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