dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
