I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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