Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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