Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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