You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
