Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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