Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
