Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
