dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
