I just cut my nipple shaving
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize