i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need a beard to bite.
I want a musical about memes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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