so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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