I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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