Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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