"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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