dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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