she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he puts the penis in happiness.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
