Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
