Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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