it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
