its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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