just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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