i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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