I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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