I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
