I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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