Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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