She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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