small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
