That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
