I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
