Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
