He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
