im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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