dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
