Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
