I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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