everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
