My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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