No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
