My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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