Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
