Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
