Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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