I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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