I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
