i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
