Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize