she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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