dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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