you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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