we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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