I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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