He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
