i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
