we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
porn star boner night. come get it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
