smell my finger.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
