to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
