Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He did a backflip because drugs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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