He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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